Ways To Humiliate, Annoy or Infuriate Harry Potter
by Valentine's Riddle
Summary: Hex Malfoy's Potter Stinks badges so they say Potter Stinks in Bed, and 49 other ways to bring upon your own early demise. Enjoy!


**A/N: I know, I know, I should be ****working on**** JPMD. But I'm having writer's block this ****evening (plus I just put up Chapter 15 after like three months, so am feeling drained)****, so I'm doing another list. Now it's Harry's turn! Muhaha!**** I sent this to Mugglenet's Fun Li****sts, because it made me laugh!**

**Thanks to SilverRoseOfDeath, TheRedBandit, BabiGirlBri16, SpiritWeaver, ANGELoINoTRAINING, x oh so daring, Eve Granger, LoonyXBirdX, laura sedai and nun outfits are cool for reviewing the Draco version! Do people like these enough for me to do more? Riddle x**

**Ways to ****Annoy or Humiliate the Bejesus out of Harry Potter**

1. Bewitch his mirror to yell "That's so _obviously_ a toupee" whenever he passes.

2. Read him Harry/Draco slash, and insist that _all_ fantasy has a base in reality!

3. Ask him whether it's true he's only had one bath in six years.

4. "Oh, Harry, your hat's left a horrible mark on your head. Give it a rub!"

5. Polyjuice yourself into Ginny- and then sleep with Draco!

6. Rip up his Invisibility Cloak and make it into an Invisibility Bikini.

7. Stage loud conversations as he passes, such as "No, I always _was _a R/Hr shipper. I mean, imagine if him and Hermione got together! Their kids would have _such _bad hair"

8. Follow him round saying "_He will return __tonight_" in a creepy voice.

9. Polyjuice yourself into Hermione and give him the wrong notes for all of the exams.

10. Call him Harry Pothead.

11. Next time Harry is in the hospital wing, send him a card saying "You know, if you just could have good and _died_ when you were supposed to, Voldemort never would have come back in the first place and we wouldn't be in this damned mess"

12. Send him anonymous notes saying: "You think _Voldemort's _hard to take down. I have _eight_ Horcruxes!"

13. Polyjuice yourself into Dudley and pummel the life out of him!

14. Tell him he's really working the "miserable orphan" look.

15. Tell him "Look, the Voldemort Has Returned thing is great for getting attention, but next time, why don't you just dye your hair green or something?"

16. Every time you see him, yell "CONSTANT VIGILANGE" in his ear, then run off.

17. Ask him how his parents are.

18. (Ok, this was only applicable before July 21!) Tell him that Mugglenet has given him pretty good odds on dying in Deathly Hallows, but not to worry; Neville will probably kill Voldemort for him in case of his miserable failure.

19. Give Romilda Vane a copy of his timetable.

20. Stick a sign on his back saying "HUNGRY AND HOMELESS"

21. Stick a Boggart in his shower and then laugh as he tries to fight it while wearing only a towel... or less!

22. Tell him he's the last Horcrux and the only way to get rid of it is to stab himself in the heart.

23. Then, as he is dying a slow and painful death, say "Hang on, what's this? Hufflepuff's cup?"

24. Ask him if he was ever jealous that Petunia gave Dudley cute nicknames and not him.

25. Then insist on calling him "Harry-Honey-Bunchkin"

26. Hex the Marauder's map, so that when it says Ginny... it's actually Filch.

27. "Five times! Five times you faced You-Know-Who and what do you have to show for it? A hideous scar, a fake locket and a _lot_ of issues!"

28. When he attempts to make a retort, say "I may have _no_ life, but yours is just one big Star Wars spinoff"

29. Snap his wand in half, and say you only did it because Priori Incantatem gave him such an unfair advantage.

30. Tell the fangirls where he lives.

31. Tell him that you told the fangirls where he lives- and then make sure Snape is around to dock points for his swearing.

32. Repeatedly refer to Hagrid as "That great oaf" in Harry's hearing.

33. Tell him that he's an _awful_ roleplayer- "What a Mary-Sue!"- and repeatedly ask him to stop god-moding whenever he gets something right in a lesson.

34. Tell him that Remus and Sirius got together- after all, with all that fanfiction, it's practically canon anyway.

35. Then, when he insists that Sirius is dead, sigh and ruffle his hair as one would a confused child.

36. Whenever he starts talking to Ginny, creep up behind him and yell "OPPERTUNE MOMENT!" repeatedly, until he gets the message.

37. Then, when he kisses her, scream "Get a _room_!"and hex them apart.

38. Lock him, Hermione, Ron and Ginny in a broom closet with a load of Harmony shippers!

39. Actually, chuck Emerson Spartz in there for a laugh as well!

40. Say in his hearing that you are an accomplished Legilimens- and then make pointed references to his "Dirty Little Secret"

41. Hex Malfoy's "Potter Stinks" badges so that they say "Potter Stinks in Bed"

42. Make an Inferius out of Cedric's body and get it to follow him round saying things like "Why couldn't you save me, huh, Harry? You're just jealous because even when I'm _dead_ I'm better looking than you"

43. "_You_ may have saved the future of the wizarding world, but _I _won the Mugglenet Caption Contest _twice in a row_"

44. Tell him he was nominated for Witch Weekly's Most Charming Smile award, but he lost to Snape/Emerson/Malfoy/Voldemort.

45. Show him a picture of Tom Riddle, and then complain loudly about the fact that the hot ones are always the villains...

46. Make a dance routine to "Oh Potter, You Rotter" and perform it at the end-of-term feast.

47. Polyjuice yourself into Dumbledore and scare the living daylights out of him!

48. Tell him that lighting scars are _so_ last year- if he really wants to be hip, he needs one shaped like a map of the London Underground.

49. Cast a Snitch-Repelling charm on him before a match against Slytherin.

50. Kill Voldemort, then walk into the Gryffindor Common Room saying "Well, that was easy!"


End file.
